Help Yourself
Using common words to get a better view of what it really means to do self-help
First
I am teaching a group class during this second half of July through the first weekend of August.
In Boulder, CO, USA.
In person.
On Saturdays, from 11:15am-12:45pm.
Space is limited, but if you are interested please let me know.
Now onto this weeks content…
Plain Language
Last time I was writing about disability, and I was googling books on the topic.
I found an anthology about Disability edited by Alice Wong.
When I googled Alice and her memoir, Year of the Tiger, I found something interesting, a plain language translation of her book.
What is plain language?
I wondered.
I read from the introduction:
Plain language is writing you can understand the first time you read it.
Plain language translation means I took Alice’s ideas and how she sounds when she writes.
Then I tried to write this in a way that keeps Alice’s ideas and voice but is clear and easy to read.
That’s from Kelsie Acton’s plain language translation, which you can check out here.
She talks about another plain language translator, Sara Luterman, who writes:
[For plain language translations] I try to only use the three thousand (3,000) most common words in the English language.
The idea is that the more common a word is, the more likely people are to understand what it means. For comparison, the average adult has a vocabulary of 20,000-35,000 words.
So plain language is about using only the most common words to make writing easier to read.
(Sara Luterman’s piece is here.)
Up Goer Five
Both translators mention an online tool for weeding out uncommon, inaccessible words: the Up Goer Five Text Editor.
“Can you explain a hard idea using only the ten hundred most used words?
It’s not very easy.
Type in the box to try it out.”
Great idea.
Now, I’m a Feldenkrais nerd, so my first thought was, “I should try to translate a Feldenkrais book.”
Because Feldenkrais’ writing is NOT EASY to understand the first time you read it.
But I believe his ideas are useful and interesting.
So I started a plain language translation, and that’s the rest of this post.
(Warning: What follows is a plain language translation of the preface to Moshe Feldenkrais’ book “Awareness Through Movement.” I went through the translation process as quickly as possible. I used my own selection of only the 1000 most common words. The results are an experimental outcome and not an authorial statement. I’m sharing here in the spirit of “show your work.”)
Your mileage may vary, but I would point out in the end, he says, “This piece is for the people who think, ‘None of this concerns me.’”
TLDR; learning to fit into your group makes it hard to learn for yourself what you really want, deep down.
But true self-help is possible and available to all.
If you’ve ever tried to help yourself be free, seriously or just in passing, there are probably words here worth considering.
Help Yourself
Each one of us has ideas about our self.
These ideas control what we do.
Our ideas about ourselves come from three places:
the bodies our parents gave us
what we learn from others
what we learn from our self
We can't really change what body we got from our parents.
Our self ideas come from living through this body.
We learn how to talk and think and act from the people around us when we're growing up.
The people around us are different than the people on the other side of the world.
There is not just ONE way to be human.
There are lots of ways to be human.
Everyone learns a different way of being human from a different group of people.
We also learn things from the inside out.
In other words, "I learn something for myself."
For myself.
From myself.
The things we learn from the group--in our family, our house, our city--come from the outside-in.
Outside-in is how to talk and think and act like the people around me.
Inside-out is what I learn from myself for myself.
From Myself.
For Myself.
Without Learning
Some things we know without learning, but only a few.
There is not much a human can know without learning.
Even though the human body works in deep ways a person doesn't learn.
Outside Inside Together
What comes from the "outside in," from parents and teachers and other grown ups, makes it easier or harder to learn from the "inside out."
But each of us can learn from the inside out what we really like,
which means sometimes we don't accept or pick up what others want us to learn.
Outside in and inside out happen together in the same self.
How it goes
The first weeks of a baby's life are full of "Outside In."
The baby takes in senses, colors, sounds, smells, touches.
It doesn't do any "Inside Out" other than cry when something doesn't seem right, in the deep way without learning.
The more it grows and gets grounded, the more the baby learns from the "Inside Out."
The baby becomes a child who starts to learn what it likes.
It begins to choose some things and forget others because of who the child is.
The child learns it doesn't have to accept everything the group suggests.
Outside Inside Together Part 2
"Outside In" and "Inside Out" learning happen together.
They both set the direction for all the things we do.
Some things we do because we want to.
Other things we do over and over
without thinking or wanting or knowing why.
Our self ideas are built out of
the bodies our parents gave us
what others want us to learn
what we learn from our self for our self
Of these three, what we learn from the inside-out is the only one we can control.
We can't change the body we got from our parents.
What others want us to learn is for others to say.
Even "inside out" learning is not totally up to us when we are kids,
because it matters how strong my sense of self is.
How easy or hard is it to do what I want?
How much or how little does my group force me to learn what they want?
The power of the group
The body we get from our parents makes each one of us different in the ways our body works, how we look, what we do.
The group has us learn to be a part of the group.
Mostly, the group wants us to fit in as much as possible.
The group tells us what to wear so we look like the other people.
Through the group, we learn all the words the group uses.
We talk like the others, which makes us think like the others.
Through the group we learn to act like a person in the group, over and over, so that even when I learn from the Inside Out, maybe I still want to become like everyone else.
So, even learning from the inside-out—which is the force that makes me the only ME; the force that puts the one and only, maybe strange or different body my parents gave me into the world of doing—even learning from the inside-out can lead me to be one of the crowd.
The problem with groups
The problem with groups is:
our groups never have a clear idea of what we should learn, other than we should fit into our group.
In one way that problem is good for our selves.
If the group isn't so clear on what we should learn, then the group might not stop me learning from the inside out.
Even so, in many groups with better and better Outside-In ways, the thoughts and clothes and dreams within the group start to be the same.
We used to have small groups.
Now we huge groups across the world.
We talk as our groups through tvs and phones.
The dreams of the groups to become all the same means there is more and more of the same, even between selves that could be very different.
The Dream Group
Today's ways of studying how people learn and how people think have allowed B.F. Skinner to show how a group can make selves who are "happy" people in the group.
This is what groups want us to learn, even though groups don't say it like that.
Skinner is right that groups can make "happy" selves.
And there is little doubt that in time we will be able to make "goods" in the form of men and women who are "happy."
Then, if we use what we know about how our parents give us our bodies, we might even be able to come up with different types of "good"-body-men and "good"-body-women to meet all the needs of our groups.
This kind of “perfect” world, which could happen while we are living, is the dream of the group.
In order to bring it about, all we need is to make sure only some parents give bodies to some children (no weird bodies, no different bodies), and then have our groups make sure no one learns from the inside out.
What's most important?
Many people feel that the group is more important than the selves of which it is made.
Every "good" strong group wants to make the group better and stronger.
Each group does it in their own way, but all groups agree that the most important thing is to make the group better.
Better at having jobs.
Better at making things.
Better at giving everyone in the group the same chances to be the same.
The group makes sure the young people learn how to make everyone in the group same enough so the group can go on without big changes.
Maybe what the group wants IS the deeper reason for humans to be;
if so, everyone should help the group get what the group wants.
What is the group to the self?
On the other hand, if we stop thinking only about the group and turn to the self, we see that the group is not the only important thing.
For the self, the group has a different meaning.
The group is important to the self because
the group is the field in which the self must do well in order to be accepted as a "good" group person.
So the person sees herself through the groups eyes.
Her own sense of being "good" or "not-good" changes because of what the group thinks of her.
The group is also important to the self because
it is the field where she can be herself.
The group is the place where she can do and say and be things that make her HER.
She is her SELF because of the one and only body her parents gave her.
So being her full SELF is important for the best, deepest being of her body.
Problems
Because the group wants everyone in the group to be the same, there are problems that come when one self is different.
The problems of a different self are usually fixed when the self covers up the inside-out wants and needs.
Or the self decides that she only wants and needs exactly what the group wants and needs.
Either way means the self feels wrong when she does not act in way the group thinks is "good."
Why do we build the wall?
The group wants the self to learn in two directions at once.
First, the group takes away help if you’re different.
The group makes sure the everyone goes the SAME direction by not giving any help to the different.
Second, the group has people learn the ideas and words and ways of thinking that force the self to throw away and forget what comes from the inside-out.
Because of this, most people today live behind a wall.
They try to present their wall to others (and to their self) as though it were their only self.
Everything deep or dark or different gets held behind the wall.
Nothing lets on about the self's inside-out life.
And deep, weird, different stuff inside makes a person feel bad or wrong, so the person tries to not want any of it.
The only part that keeps the person going is when the group sees her being "good." She is doing things the group likes to see people doing.
What we need
There is a great need to have help from the group and relationships with other people in the group.
The need for being in the group is so great that most people spend most of their lives building up their wall.
Doing "good" over and over in the eyes of the group makes people continue with the wall more and more.
What doesn't fill us...
The group needs to see people being better and better for the group, which means people build the wall.
If someone starts to lose their place is the group, not only will their life in the group get harder, but they will start to think their inside-out-Self is bad, which could make them go crazy or get sick.
The need to be in the group is so strong, no one will even take time off from the group to go away somewhere else, even if they could easily.
The reasons and drives that keep us building our walls don't come from deep inside, so the "good" looks we get from the group don't fill us up inside, they just keep us building from the outside.
Where the road goes...
Very slowly, over the years, a man comes to tell himself that the group giving him "good" looks should and does please him inside.
Often enough he becomes so used to the wall that he thinks he IS the wall, and he no longer senses anything happening inside.
This can mean problems with his family or problems making love.
His inner problems may have always been there, but maybe they didn't get noticed because he was doing so “good” in the group's eyes.
And yes, a true love life from the inside out is not at all important to being "good" in the eyes of the group.
Most people are happy enough with wall life to forget about any pain they feel when they stop and listen to their heart.
The Never Do Wells
Not everyone figures out how to do “good” work the group.
Many who can't get a good-enough job to keep up a good-enough wall say, "I'm just not cut out for it."
They think "maybe I can't learn anything."
They try their hand at one thing after another.
Change from job to job.
They imagine, "Maybe I could be a fit for whatever the group wants next."
Thinking "maybe I have what it takes" gives them a sense, "I'm good-enough to try again."
These people maybe be just as good as others, maybe even better, but they are going down a road of throwing away and forgetting their inside-out needs.
Soon they don’t find true interest in anything.
Then maybe they happen upon something new.
Maybe they stick with it longer than usual.
Maybe they even get good-enough at it.
But it's still chance that they got a good-enough job in the group.
Chance gave them a good-enough place in the group,
but they still see their self only through the eyes of the group.
At the same time, they don't know how to love from the inside-out, so they keep on looking for love in all the wrong places.
Changing outer loves is like changing jobs.
It's driven by the same Outside-in sense of self.
New loves give some sense of "maybe I can be good-enough this time."
Good-enough to try again.
Over and over without knowing why.
Learning to have problems
Learning from the inside-out—which, as we have seen, always happens together with outside-in—also causes other problems.
Many people learn to use their Self in bad ways that lead to pains and problems with body things that should just work.
Stomach problems.
Breathing problems.
Problems relaxing.
Other problems.
People learn to have these problems.
Sometimes one of these problems will get better for a while, which helps the other problems.
Life is good for a bit.
But then there's a down turn and life is bad again.
Self Help
It's obvious that of the three ways we get our ideas about our self...
the bodies our parents gave us
what we learn for the group
what we learn from our self
... what we learn from inside our self is the only deep power.
So the question is, How can I best help my Self?
Some people ask someone else who maybe has an answer, which is a good idea in serious cases.
However, most people-with-an-answer won't actually help much.
And most people do not even recognize the need to ask the question.
Still, self-help is the only way open to everyone.
Self Help is Hard
Self-help is hard.
Self-help is not simple.
But for every person who feels the need for change and getting better, self-help is possible.
Of course, you have to understand several things, so you're not too hard on yourself.
First of all, learning from the inside out goes step by step, but not how you would guess.
There are downs as well as ups.
Let's say a guy is trying to learn a song.
He may learn the song one day and remember almost nothing of it the next.
A few days later, maybe without any further study, he may suddenly know the song well.
Even if he puts the song out of his mind for a few months, he might find that a little playing brings it back completely.
So don't get pissed if you find yourself back where you started sometimes.
Falling back happens.
But it happen less and less.
And getting back to the new stuff gets easier as the inside-out learning continues.
Also, as changes take place from the inside-out, new problems will come from the inside-out.
Many things used to be totally behind the wall.
Things that were too hard to handle.
Things that caused too much pain.
But as you learn more from the inside-out, it becomes possible to accept your inner problems as part of yourself.
Who is this for?
Many people try to get better, here and there.
People try to help themselves all the time, even if they don't take it seriously.
Normal people feel pretty much good-enough.
They think, "Maybe I have this or that small problem, but it's nothing that couldn't be fixed if I just worked out more or ate better."
Everything written in this piece is actually for these normal people.
This piece is for the people who think, "None of this concerns me."
As people try to better themselves, different steps of learning can be found in each one.
As each person gets better, the ways to keep getting better have to get better themselves.
The rest of this book takes its time to talk about the first steps on this road, so people who read it will be able to go even further under their own power.
If you made it to the end here, what do you think?
Did this plain language translation make the ideas so you could understand them the first time you read it?